Rap beef is just not for J. Cole. He doesn’t have the heart for the lying, disrespect, and animosity it requires to make an effective diss track. A memorable diss feels like the equivalent of someone getting their grave spit on. J. Cole’s are like your camp counselor pulling you to the side, putting their hand on your shoulder, and advising you to stop belly-flopping in the pool or else you might get hurt. That was made clear on “Snow on tha Bluff,” the time he finger-wagged at Noname for being mean and reading too many books. Now he’s back at it with “7 Minute Drill,” his response to Kendrick Lamar’s forgettable blitz on Cole and Drake’s status in rap culture. An already boring rap beef gets even more boring.First of all, if there was going to be a response to Kendrick, it should have come from Drake. Sure, Cole was called out, too, but he felt more like a footnote, as if someone got in a heated argument with a 6’6″ dude and ended up shoving their 5’7″ friend. Cole doesn’t even seem like he wants to throw shots at Kendrick, as if the mere concept of negativity is breaking his spirit. He does anyway, sounding worn down over a dollar-store Detroit beat in the first half and a C-tier Conductor Williams instrumental that he must have pulled out of Conway the Machine’s recycling bin in the second. The track is a lot of tip-toeing tough talk and no good jokes, surrounding a couple of bars where Cole lays out his feelings about Kendrick’s catalog: “Your first shit was classic, your last shit was tragic/Your second shit put niggas to sleep, but they gassed it/Your third shit was massive and that was your prime.” What?Who the fuck wants to hear this extremely measured and level-headed assessment of Kendrick’s albums in a diss track? What is Cole afraid of? Does he think Kendrick is going to send Kamasi Washington and Terrace Martin to his front door? If you’re going to call Kendrick’s music weak, call it weak! Say good kid, m.A.A.d city is fake deep! Say Lance Skiiiwalker was actually the best member of TDE! Make up a conspiracy theory, like you heard he had to perform a satanic ritual to get his Pulitzer! Anything other than this hilarious waffling about whether to call Kendrick trash, which only makes it increasingly clear that not only does Cole love his music, he looks up to him. By the end it feels less like a diss track and more like the sad, conflicted texts you send after a breakup, when you still have a little hope that, one day, eventually, you will be back together like none of this ever happened.
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