Jimmy Kimmel Calls Trump’s V.P. Selection Process ‘The MAGA-pprentice’

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‘The MAGA-pprentice’

In his monologue on Thursday, Jimmy Kimmel talked about the speculation over who Donald Trump’s running mate will be. Supposedly, Trump plans to audition potential candidates at campaign rallies. “He’s turning this into ‘The MAGA-pprentice,’” Kimmel said.

“The finalists for V.P. include Elise Stefanik, Tim Scott, Tulsi Gabbard and Dr. Ben Carson, even though Dr. Ben Carson died six years ago.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Ben Carson is literally a sleeper candidate. Can you imagine Vice President Carson sitting behind Trump at the State of the Union? This is a guy who falls asleep standing up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

Trump is also said to be considering Senator Marco Rubio of Florida, despite the many insults the two have thrown at each other in the past. Kimmel found it funny that Rubio now says it would be an honor for anyone to be offered the position.

“Oh, poor little Marco, he thinks he’s different,” Kimmel said. “He’s thinking, ‘I’m the one who’s going to ride this bull.’ No, no, you will wind up in the mud with all the other rodeo clowns.”

“Think about all the people who thought they could domesticate Donald Trump: Chris Christie, Mitt Romney, Jeff Sessions, Kevin McCarthy, Rudy Giuliani, Ted Cruz, Ron DeSantis, Mike Pence, all his wives. I mean, you think this won’t be you, too? Destroying people like you — it’s the only thing Donald Trump is good at. If he asks you to run, run! Get those little legs moving like a toddler going into a Chuck E. Cheese.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (Foreclosure Edition)

“I read that former President Trump is considering not paying the $464 million bond from his civil fraud case and letting the New York attorney general seize Trump Tower. Man, Trump’s net worth is shrinking so fast, people are wondering if it’s on Ozempic.” — JIMMY FALLON

“They could take his buildings, which, if they seize Trump Tower, where will Donald get his authentic Mexican taco bowls?” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“And get this, the New York attorney general is also preparing to seize Trump’s Westchester golf course. Yeah. Today, the attorney general showed up at his golf course and yelled, ‘Foreclosure.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“They could even seize his plane. I vote for that. I can think of nothing more delightful. Can you imagine the sight of Donald Trump standing in line for a Southwest flight in boarding group C?” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Yeah, in just a few days, there’s a chance Trump could go from owning a penthouse and a golf course to putting into a coffee mug in a studio apartment.” — JIMMY FALLON

The Bits Worth Watching

Wayne Brady, master freestyler and star of “The Wiz,” made up rhymes about random objects on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”